It's like two different worlds: The South side of Vancouver Island and South-central Saskatchewan. If you talk to any of my friends in SK, they will be able to tell you how often I've pined for the Island and its natural beauty. However, since entrusting God with my life, I've found myself fulfilling my calling on the prairies in youth ministry... at least for the time being until I can go back to the Island or anywhere else He calls me...
Before I pick up from where I left off from the last post - I wanted to take the time to emphasize something rather important. Even though the title of this series is called the "Southland Experience" it's really about the "Experience at Southland." The difference between the titles is that the "Southland Experience" seems like it's saying that Southland is what gave me these revelations and enjoyable moment - to a degree that's true - However, the experiences happened because God was the influencer of it all. If God wasn't working in Southland, those experiences would not have been the same and every well would not have happened... but since I've made the title what it is, I will not bother changing it, but know now, dear reader, that Southland was only the median of what God was doing in and through me.
NOW, back to the account -
SC and I were sitting with Dan, Olivia, and Tammy in their living room for the second and final time. Dan asked us how our experiences were and thoughts on the weekend. When it came to my turn to share I said, "Even though this wasn't actually a main point in any of the sessions or discussions, the impression of this weekend affirmed something for me. When it comes to that verse where it says, "God is spirit, and his worshipers much worship in spirit and in truth" (John 4:24), it's about maintaing the practice, or use, of the truth = Bible/Scripture and spirit = Holy Spirit. It's true that it's not about God the Father, Son and Holy Bible, and that it is about the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit - However, we need to have our orthodoxy (teaching) and our orthopraxy (doing) influenced by the Holy Spirit. There is always going to be a tension... but, that's okay."
Apparently Dan and Olivia were amazed by this answer - I'm not saying this to impress anyone, but I was honoured that they thought so highly of my contemplation, considering the amount of ministering they do on a daily basis.
Somewhat an accurate representation of my reaction to their response, I was pleased that they thought that way.
We wrapped up the evening saying they would host breakfast for us once again before driving us over to the church to meet up with our group.
As SC and I settled down for the evening... it hardly seemed possible that the weekend retreat was over so soon. I was able to share more with SC my desire to do seminary at Briercrest, this time with a for certain focus on languages - Greek and Hebrew. We both expressed our delight for having spent the weekend with Dan and Olivia. I noted how even this place was new, and I had never met Dan and Olivia before... the retreat, and staying at their place felt like home. I realized that, if one is honest with me, and they can get me to laugh and be expressive without any sort of pressor, I am so at ease and comfortable, and that is what exactly happened talking and staying with Dan and Olivia.
It was all too soon when our alarms went of for SC and I that morning. We drug ourselves out of bed, gathered our stuff, and had breakfast with Dan, Olivia, and Tammy.
After a wonderful breakfast, filled with good conversation and more laughter (even at 7:30am) - Found out that Dan's cousin lives 10min from the Shire, like the actual Shire Peter Jackson made for the 'Lord of the Rings' series, and the nerd in me died of delight - Tammy took a picture of us sitting on the couch together, and then I took a picture of Tammy, Dan, and Olivia together.
Hugs were exchanged between all of us as SC and I departed with our Hillcrest group... and I have to say... it was really, REALLY hard to leave. It felt good having less responsibilities, and being looked after for that short time, and selfishly I wish it could have gone longer. It was amazing to be in such God loving community and seeing some huge things that God was doing in that community and all who were affected by it.
That all being said - there was so much more happening that even I have not mentioned... but I hope this little series revealed some incredible things about God's goodness and the possible implications of the Holy Spirit's action in our lives.
I will be raising topics and furthers thoughts and reflections thanks to this weekend, but this is the end of the account of my experience out at Steinback, MB. I hope and pray that God uses my retelling as a way to bring thoughtful reflection and encouragement to you readers.
Thank you for tracking with me on this account and as always:
Sunday morning SC and I woke up to the sound of our alarms but with less effort to leave our beds.
What had us up and going was knowing that Olivia was going to be making us a hot meal before the sunday morning church service.
We got up, and with much delight, had a meal of toast, omelets, and for the meat eaters breakfast sausage. She told as a little about her job as a nurse and her experiences with patience as she would do her best to share the grace and love of God to them.
We all waked over to the church and as SC went to sit with her cousin, Olivia and I were ushered to our seats. The auditorium was fully packed this morning with regular church attenders as opposed to our measly 450 people to almost 1200 people.
Here's a glimpse of the experience:
Saturday afternoon
Sunday morning - 50 person (I think) choir
The pics don't really do justice, but believe me when I say there was a HUGE difference in space availability from Saturday night to Sunday morning.
So Olivia sat with me for a short time before she left. So I sat 6 rows away from the front surrounded by people I had no idea of... and somehow the experience wasn't scarring.
The service was led by Ray Duerksen and it was about "Surrendered prayer" and "Warfare prayer" - how in order to even do "warfare prayer" one needs to have done "surrendered prayer" first and foremost. The service was insightful and informative, and Pastor Ray's use of greek language to define the difference between 'logos' and 'rhema' has inspired me to learn the original greek text of portion of the Bible - something that is tied to my need to take seminary at some point in the future.
After the service, the few of us left from the church renewal group, met up together to have a tour of the church facility. I was told by my youth pastor that if I could I should talk to Donavan Friesen, who has been a youth pastor, for some wisdom and insight. So when I found out he was leading a tour group, I stayed close to his side as much as I could throughout the tour. The facility was amazing and well organized, and we found out that out that there were only 50ish payed staff and the rest were strictly volunteers.
At the end of the tour I managed to get to talk with Donavan about how he finds/gets volunteers for ministry. He talked me through the concept of "cell groups" and through them they find potential leaders and train them into leaders. He told me he could talk for 3 weeks on the topic, for it is a passion of his, but he gave me the best 5-10min version of it that lined up a lot with what Ken Moser was modeling at Briercrest.
After lunch I was not able to fit a nap in, I figured after the 'introduction to the church renewal' session I would do it before if not during dinner.
The session took place in the seminar room where Pastor Ray and one of the church board members lead the time together. Pastor Ray told us how the church first started out as a conservative Mennonite church that through certain events from his personal life lead to him coming out as a 'closet charismatic,' as well as major events from his family life that the church grew in their understanding of the role of the church with the help of the Holy Spirit.
He walked us through his "Pastoral Mentorship program" saying that church renewal will be more effective with renewed pastors. He showed us how their church functions within the parameters of Scripture as a way to filter visions, words, images, when praying and prophesying. He looked at Ephesians 4:11-13 - Apostles, Prophets, Evangelists, Servants, Teachers - and said, "Is everyone like Billy Graham (one of the great evangelists of our time)?" We all said "no" and Pastor Ray responded, "but are we not to share our faith and be witnesses for Christ?" He followed up with an illustration of a time when a couple came to the church as they were growing and the wife said she was "THE prophet" and asked where her role would be in the church. He told her to talk to one of their assistants who would tell her what to do. He did this knowing the woman he was sending this self claimed "prophet" to would know how to handle her. The woman, Grace, took all the "prophet" said in stride and responded, "That's good for you, what happens now is that you need to do our program, that all of our volunteers do, in order for you to be involved with the church." The "prophet" was outraged and she and her husband left and moved back to their home town.
After the session I went to Dan and Olivia's house again, this time getting a 30min nap in -YAAAASSS.
Around 6pm the Prayer Summit started, and the church renewal group was ushered to specific seating while the rest of the church gathered in their 'cell groups' throughout the rest of the auditorium.
For the first part, we were to to confess to God any unknown sins, and then we were to ask God what personal and/or ministry related struggle we have that He wanted us to deal with. The first thought that came to mind was "Introvert" - I wrote it down. The next part we were to do was write a prayer of thanks to God. This is what I wrote:
"God, you are good and the creator of al things, and you love me, flaws and all. I ask that I would not compromise who you made me to be for the sake of others, and in your mercy, grace, and love, find joy and peace in the godly woman you are making me to be. In the time to follow, I surrender myslef to you... even if I feel embarrassed, emotional, or confused. No matter the cost, use me and help me as I surrender myself to you. Amen."
Once we finished, we got into groups of 2 or 3 where we were sitting, and I ended up partnering with an elderly lady. We were supposed to pray for one another, and ask God for a word, or image, as a way of encouraging the other person; however, the elderly woman I was with did not understand this concept so we ended up praying for the other persons' struggle.
The way I see it, is that God actually took my prayer of being surrendered to Him at the cost of being slightly embarrassed by this elderly lady who did not know what exactly was going on and was able to handle the situation well regardless.
THIS IS WHERE DAN'S PRAYER SUMMIT PREP HELPED. He told SC and I that at one point we as the "Church Renewal group" were to get up and join on of the MANY cell groups that came that evening to pray. He had recommended finding the youth cell groups because their prayers were so honest - so as I tried to find the youth I ended up being flagged down by a group of young to middle aged women.
I figured - they were putting themselves out there and I've made eye contact, no going back now!
So I was ushered into one of their seats and gave my name, and my position in Hillcrest Church, as well as where I was originally from - Vancouver Island.
Then the prayer time began. I was to be the recipient of their prayers, so all I had to do was sit and wait - once a short time had passed - one of the women began.
"I got this image of a flower that opens at day, and closes at night, and reopens at the morning. Do not panic at night when it closes."
The next woman said, "I got this image of you in a subway tunnel, the light was so bright and welcoming, and you were pressing forward. I got the sense you had to put effort into moving forward, but it was not heavy. I got the verse of a city on a hill that can't be hidden. Impactful, you are like that light."
The third woman said, "I got this picture of you as a seagull flying at the beach, with patches of flash storms. You were able to fly close to the waves. God gave you confidence in the calm and storm."
The fourth lady said, "I got the saying, 'needle in a haystack' - I do not know what that needle is, but God will help you find that needle. Also, the verse from Isaiah 41:13."
The girl writing all these things down was skipped to the next woman who said, "I got the words: unity, honesty, openness, and transparency - for you and your ministry position, or possibly for the church you attend."
The woman who sat beside me said, "I got nothing"
Despite all the others being encouraging and interesting, the woman who said "I got nothing" made a HUGE impression on me - I even thanked her afterwards for her honesty... it made the experience real, but we weren't done.
The girl who had been writing everything paused, looked up at me and said, "I got the word 'joy' - the Lord is so pleased with you. your hunger for Him, work for His kingdom, leaving your homeland. I get the sense your servant heart brings Him much joy and pleasure. You are fulfilling a purpose larger than yourself."
As she said those words... I broke down and wept. I missed my home, I desired to please the Lord with all I was doing, and weeks ago as I laid in bed, tears ran down my faced as I asked God if He actually 'delighted in me'? As if that was possible... and I was hearing from this young looking girl that my servant heart brings Him joy and pleasure? It was too good to be true.
I ended up staying with that group till the end of the Prayer Summit, where for the rest of the time, with over 1000 people, we prayed for requests that were placed up on the projector and movie screens.
After that we ended with the worship band playing two songs... it is where it gets a little interesting. The songs that were played - I had never heard before, but I jumped right into them and was singing in tune and with much energy and enthusiasm even after crying.
Once the songs ended, we were all officially dismissed. The Hillcrest group gathered together at the cafe, outside the Chapel for grades 5-8 and we discussed the weekend. As it was my first time experience, I highlighted with the group how even a megachurch was still intentional with their small groups/ cell groups, and if that can be accomplished then something is to be said about our church... as well as the generosity and hospitality of the billets and volunteers of the church.
It was 9:10pm ish - and SC and I realized that we had not told Dan or Olivia that we were meeting up with our group, we rushed out to the foyer, and found Dan talking to someone as he was waiting for us. We apologized profusely, and he said it was not a problem.
Once we got to the house, SC, Olivia, Dan, Tammy, and I shared our experience and highlights of the weekend - but I will talk about that in the next blog post.
It was 6:50am when I woke up to my alarm, the start of a first full day being out at Stienback. SC was already getting ready for the morning, and she had done her best to be as quiet as she could knowing I was going to be waking up later than her.
After getting ready, we went over to the main house and had breakfast with Tammy, one of Dan and Olivia's cell group girls. Dan and Olivia were just heading out for the day, so Dan put the kettle on for me and left Tammy with SC and I to host us for breakfast.
Around 7:50 I headed across the field to the church:
It was a gorgeous and chilled walk, but in a total of 4 min, I was walking through the doors of Southland church.
We went through Sessions 3-7 from 8:15am - 8pm. In session 3 we did more confessing under the topics of "impure to pure" and session 4 was looking at "the cross"
It was a bit hefty confessing to our triad of lust, soul ties (emotional attachments and bonds), first thing in the morning. However, it was a bit easer to do after we got into our groups and the first thing I asked for us to do was pray before we got into it.
After our time of confession, we had a break then watched as series of edited clips from the "Passion of the Christ."
.... .... ..... So... Even though I am a Christian, and it seems like a given that Christians would have watched or seen this movie by now... I have not watched this movie in its entirety. I have seen clips here and there from youth groups and easter services, but not focused scenes or let alone the whole movie. We were given the permission to not watch if it was to much, but were encourage to watch with the mindset of this was a small way to actually see what Jesus went through as he died.
So, I watched... but once it got to the flogging, I couldn't do it. The way the whip shredded his back and then he was flipped into his stomach to be whipped more and the blood drenching the floor... I had to cover my eyes. So obviously I was sobbing as Jesus was nailed to the cross and how he would arch his back in pain as they pounded into him... his swollen face, and bloodied and battered body hung from the cross. In one scene, where they have Mary breaking the fourth wall. Her face etched with anger and pain, as if it seemed to say, "What have you done... what have WE done?"
We had communion and sang our praises to God, knowing he didn't remain in the grave, that he rose again, and that he will be returning again. It was good.
It was during lunch that I managed to sneak away and get a 20min nap at the billets house. Best. Thing. EVER. Word got around in our traveling group from Hillcrest that I was able to do this, and they were happy for me.
The next Sessions were 5: From a Divided to a Single Heart (dealing with occult stuff), and 6: Inner Healing (confessing our unforgiveness, and invitation for Jesus to speak truth into our woundedness).
Those sessions were surprising, intense and yet... helpful.
I was surprised how some occult suff can be weaseled into one's life without straight up doing things like sorcery, witchcraft, and ouija boards.
Stefen gave an example from his own life where he had neck problems and he sought prayer and had an image of black hands around his neck with the word "death." He was resistant at first, but as it grew worse he had someone pray over him and they had the exact same image and word association - when he prayed how this got into his life, God revealed the memory of doing kickboxing and going around the room tapping the walls as a way to ward off unwanted spirits so that it was just him and the other person kickboxing. Something so small and seemingly insignificant was all the enemy needed to get a hold on him.
So me and the two other women confessed the big and small things that have connections with the occult, and moved on to the next part of 'inner healing.'
The inner healing was a process of allowing God to show us the root of our problems - like with Stefen and his neck problems relating to his time at kickboxing.
First we were to confess any unknown sins and unforgivness to God in order to be humbled as we sought out clear guidance to some or one of our problems.
It was in this time that God revealed to me some recent events that I sought forgiveness for, and a surprising event from my past that influenced the way I carried myself mentally.
As I asked God what was one major problem I was struggling with - "Fear" came up and in relation to "weakness", and I prayed for a memory or event that related to this, I was taken back to the time when I was a little girl and in Calgary for my great grandma's funeral. I will not go into further detail on the memory, but it was one that had been raised during my time at Briercrest that I had almost forgotten and I was ashamed and confused over it.
After the memory surfaced, we were guided by the leaflet to ask God what he saw in that memory, and the word I got was "Innocent."
When it came time to confess - up till this point I always volunteered to go first... but this time I really struggled with what I would have to say. What will these women whom I JUST met think of me? I said to them, "this gets weird, I hope I don't freak you out by saying this... God, have mercy."
So I walked through the memory with them, sobbing as I said, "I knew something was wrong... but I allowed it anyways... I didn't know, we didn't know, we were so young."
The woman we had been the one to pray over me asked, "did God reveal anything about what He thought about the memory to you?"
I nodded as I said, "Innocent. I got the word 'innocent'." As she prayed over me I was sobbing brutally:
They offered me some Kleenex, and one of the things I remember my prayer partner saying was, "let all ties to this memory be broken from the enemy, and that she would walk taller after this."
I didn't say this to anyone after this session, so you dear reader will be the first to know, during the break, I had this slight sensation that my shoulders (specifically my trapezius muscles) felt less tense then they had in a long time.
After supper we had our last session - which ended up being a time of learning who the Holy Spirit is and thankfulness for the time spent together and what had been revealed and restored.
Dan and Olivia picked SC and I up after the last session and we had some time to talk to them about the experience and about themselves, along with their cell group girl Tammy. They were delighted to hear that I got to nap during the afternoon at their house and said I could even use the main houses' living room to chill out if I so desired.
This is where my next mistake happened - We played a game called "guess their age" with each other. When it was Dan's turn, SC guessed 31, where I was admit about him being 37.
CONTEXT - before playing this game, we found out he was a young adults and young married Pastor, and even before that he gave this encouraging analogy of a barrel with holes and that God reveals some holes at a time to work on us and once we've accomplished that He reveals more and sometimes deeper ones we need to work on with His help. SO IN MY HEAD I figured he looked young but was probably older than he looked and with his wisdom on some topics I figured he was 37.
OH GOSH - was I wrong.
He looked at SC and I and with an amused smile on his face. As he chuckled, in his New Zealand accent he said to us, "I'm 25."
I was like:
"YOU ARE NOT!!!!"
Oh, man, we had SUCH a good laugh about that. When it came to my turn, all of them guessed above 25 and below 30, so I said, "I'm younger than 25" and they guessed around my age again, so when I stated I was "23," even then they were surprised.
Before we headed off to bed Dan prepared us for what the "Prayer Summit" would look like tomorrow evening, thank the LORD for this because when the "Prayer Summit" time came I would have been SO CONFUSED and timid - but more on that later.
Around 10:45pm, SC and I headed back to our room and as we walked through the garage, I turned to SC and said, "25." Then for the next 5min, I stumbled into the room, leaned against the wall, fell onto my bed and died laughing.
It was a good way to end the evening and I thank God for all that happened that day.
When it first came to my Youth Pastor asking me if I could book of a weekend in October to be at a retreat to Southland, I didn't think much of it.
It was during a meeting with my Lead/Senior Pastor that I really had no idea what the weekend was about or for. So, the Pastor reassured me that I could go as an observer, but also be a participant. It was the church that he went to when he was seeking mentorship for how our church should be guided; so some of the stuff he was going to be implementing. However, he also wanted others to see if they were onboard and willing as well.
As the weekend approached closer, I almost failed to realize the context and history of the Southland church and thought I could be going into a 'overly charismatic mega church.'
I was asking my friends, youth leaders, and family to be praying for me as I was about to head into this somewhat vague and unknown weekend.
One of the members of my church picked me up at 6:45am, the morning of our departure to Southland church, and we waited for the rest of our group at Hillcrest. A total of 19 of us were going, and some had already left on their own time to Southland and would meet up with them at designated stops.
The people arrived and I was placed in a car with a woman from Caronport, who had be a member of Hillcrest for a number of years before moving out to the small town.
The drive with her was delightful and informative as we talked about our backgrounds and history up till where we were now.
Once we reached Southland - somewhat delayed from Winnipeg's construction on their roads and dinner time traffic - we made it to the church intact, and somewhat tired from the eight hour drive.
I took this picture the next morning, but this is what the church looked like.
Those of us who arrived were directed to the Auditorium for the main session soon to start.
We were given a "Set Free Retreat" booklet, 'spiritual healing' cards with a list of things relating to sin, and a 'healing pattern' leaflet.
The main speaker, Stefen Duerksen, son of the lead Pastor Ray Duerksen, was humorous, honest, and humble as he spoke about the weekend, the expectations, and his life struggles and illustrations.
As we went through the 2 main session talks: 1. Spiritual Warfare and 2. Sinful Habits, Attitudes, & Actions.
Stefen talked about the strategies of the enemy (meaning the devil and his demons), which are temptations to disobey God, and putting spiritual strongholds in your life causing a bondage of destructive patterns.
Also weapons to fight the enemy, which is confession of sins and what it brings and entails, as well as deliverance (which can be an ongoing process, or quick depending on the mercy and wisdom of God).
Along with how our sinful habits, attitudes, actions, addictions and dependences, and vows & curses are rebellion against God (1 Sam 15:23, 1 Peter 2:13, Eph. 5:21, Phil 2:14-15, Exodus 16:8) thus hurting our relationship with Him.
At this point, we were to take our 'spiritual healing' cards and 'healing pattern' leaflet, and get into our designated (and prayed over) groups of 3, and go through the sins we checked of and confess to one another and be prayed over.
At first it was a little awkward, one of the women wanted to just get right into it (she had done this retreat before) and the other (thanks be to God) had us at lest say our names and where we were from. After our introductions, we arranged a system where one of us would confess and one other person would pray for us : person 1 confessed, person 2 would pray; then person 2 confessed person 3 would pray, person 3 confessed and person 1 would pray; and so on and so forth.
It was not until I went down to the 'vows & curses' part of the confession that I began to cry - the vows and curses had to do with saying to ones self things like, "you're stupid," you are a failure," "you will never be good enough" - and so when I confessed my vow to myself the woman who prayed over me said she had an image of hold holding me close as I was swaddled in a white cloth and the idea of how I am a precious daughter to Him and He is my Father.
Once we finished our confessions, we were dismissed to meet our billets.
I went out to the foyer, and amongst the swarm of people I was directed to the couple I was to sat with. The young couple, Dan and Olivia, shook my hand and with smiles on their faces greeted me saying 'good to meet you!' The man had an accent which upon my first mistake thought it was Australian (this wouldn't be my first mistaken presupposition on him), and found out he was from New Zealand, while Olivia was raised in Manitoba, and they had been married for 6ish years.
I also met up with my roommate for the weekend who was from the church and to my surprise it was the woman who I often saw leading on one of the worship teams.
CONFESSION TIME: I had seen this woman lead on the worship team, and I had mistaken her excitability and outgoingness as forced when leadings songs during worship.
So when I found out she was going to be my roommate for the whole weekend, I knew - I KNEW - God was doing something.
So we all gathered in the car and as they talked about and showed us around the house once we got their, the first thing I took to heart was the fact they lived RIGHT ACROSS THE FIELD from the church (For me, this meant I could have a quick get away if I need to, to be alone or even sleep if I grew weary from the weekend - THANK YOU LORD!) They had only been living in their house for 2 months and they had it designed so that the downstairs had 4 bedrooms, 1 bathroom and a kitchen for the girls from their cell group (small groups in the church) to live with them. Also the upstairs was open and had a kitchen and their bedrooms off to the side with another bedroom (for their soon to be coming baby) and bathroom was sound proofed as to not keep the girl's up with the baby's noise. IT GETS BETTER - The room SC (the worship team woman from our church) and I would be staying in was built off the house and in the garage with 2 beds and a bathroom. Dan had it in mind because when he lived in New Zealand, his father would bring in people who were homeless or needed a place to stay to their house, so Dan had that room built for that purpose in mind. Up till that point they were using it as a prayer room, so we were the first to use it as people who needed a place to stay for the time being.
That evening, SC's personality rang true to what I had seen on the stage at church. She was dynamic and outgoing as any extravert could be and it was through the weekend I discovered that she would often get nervous or concerned trying to convey herself outside of the scripted singing. Meaning, when she was asked to maybe say something about the song they would be singing, or give a prayer, she didn't like doing that because she felt as if her words would not make sense or she would say something silly. Father, thank you for SC and the person you made her to be. May she find a comfort in knowing it's okay to mess up and roll with being funny even if you don't mean to on stage. Thank you for our wisdom and mercy for having us as roommates for the weekend and when we see each other at church be encouraging and delighted with one another.
I think this will end up being a 3 or 4th part series depending on what I talk about from this trip.
Till the next time!
So I just got back from a renewal weekend in Steinback MB, from a church called Southland.
Man, oh man, I have SO MUCH to talk about from that weekend; however, I will save that for another post. For now, I want to show some pictures, and talk about what happened before the weekend to Southland and what gifts they gave.
Wednesday, Oct 21st, 1pm - I'm at Hillcrest, cutting veggies and fruit.
I wanted to make a meal for the youth leaders. I did it in the hopes of blessing them with a meal they did not have to cook for themselves, or eat from a cafeteria, and to unite both our Sr. and Jr. youth leaders so that they would see the people also working in the same ministry.
Unfortunately, only under half were able to come... but I was glad for those who came and were able to enjoy the meal.
I had some help with a few of the leaders with prep for food, and one of the leaders brought a salad. Other than that, I made sure to do up the meal myself so that the leaders who have been serving since September would have the chance to be served this time in a small way.
It was a vegetarian meal, that was by accident, mostly... the Youth Pastor reassuring me that tofu was a fine substitute to chicken.
Red lentil and mushroom stuffed acorn squash
So the leaders enjoyed the meal. The ones who didn't have to stay for the Jr. youth group that evening left and the rest helped take down the tables and chairs, and helped me a little with the dishes.
It was a delightful and good experience that I was glad to organize, and hopefully I can do something like it again.
Monday, Oct 26th, 6:50pm - I'm sitting at my computer desk and looking at my gift bag from Southland church
I know right? The weekend was about renewal and they gave gift bags at the end of the retreat? Well... just wait till you see all that's inside:
Info cards, gift card, mug, water bottle, and a recipe book with all the meal recipes from the weekend.
But wait, THERE'S MORE:
Journal, devotional booklets: Micah and Psalms, and two cd's of their worship music - one instrumental and the other songs of worship.
I got to tell you, if ANYTHING, it was the hospitality of my Billets, the generosity of the volunteers and organizers of the weekend, and the driven passion of faith the members of the church have impacted me THE MOST. However, I am beginning to see that they were behaving like this because of their faith in the gospel and attentiveness to the Holy Spirit's movement and convictions.
There will that and more about me perspective on that weekend renewal. For now, I end this blog post with a prayer:
Heavenly Father, thank you for the experience out at Southland. Your guidance and provision happened all through the weekend and I thank your for it - the people I got to know and love from our church who went; for the billets who housed me and another woman from our church and their joy, hospitality, and care for us; for the fact they even lived a stones throw away from the church so that I could leave and get a nap in for the days I needed it; for the honesty and sincerity of the people who prayed over me during the prayer summit; and for the genuine and honest speakers who conveyed their thoughts and directions well. May Southland's generosity, hospitality, and faith, be made known throughout Canada as a testament to your Holy Spirit's guidance and as an encouragement for the churches' of Canada to pursue you through your word and deed with the help of the Holy Spirit. To God, our Heavenly Father, be the glory. Amen.
Ps. if you want a glimpse of what the worship was like, at least in song, here's a link to one of the songs we sang on the weekend.
So, youth group. I love it. I really, really, REALLY do. It's encouraging when the youth come and they're energized, excited to be with their friends. We get to talk about Jesus and the Bible, and what God is doing in our lives. Hearing from someone who is in grade 8 saying that their reading their Bible outside of youth group is an encouraging thing, as well as giving a youth a Bible and giving recommendation where to read after they ask for some is really delightful.
HOWEVER. However. It is the worst when you see a youth in pain, emotionally and physically, and you can do NOTHING to take it away.
Let me walk you through this particular time that happened one evening.
I was in the youth room, it was during the game, which we wrap up with at the end of the night, and it was a "tag" game. Well, two girls come in, one propping up another girl with her shoulder as the other girl leaned on her as she limped. Great, I think to myself, an injury during the game, go figure.
Me, the youth pastor, the injured girl's friend, helped the injured girl into a chair and surveyed the damage.
She had a swollen ankle and a puffy nose.
I was given an ice pack by the youth pastor, and I grabbed another chair to elevate the girl's slightly swollen ankle. As she told me what happened, along with some commentary from her friend, I stared at the girls face. Her tear streaked face was red and splotchy from her sobbing and her expression etched with pain.
I did my best to comfort her and keep her slightly distracted by asking questions, like about her family, where she went to school, and what church she goes to.
As she diligently answered my questions (and her friend as well who stuck with us to the end of the night), it dawned on me that this was her first time at youth group.
This is her first time here... and she's been injured while playing this game.
"I'm so sorry this has happened."
"That's okay," she responded, "it's not your fault, I'm just clumsy."
"But it's not only your fault, it's dark..." (we had some of the lights turned off for the game), This could have been avoided...
I hear her say, "this is the second time this week I've rolled it." her mouth quivered, "My mom said if I rolled it again it would be worse."
I asked to look at her ankle again. She let me, and I noticed that there was swelling but it was not that big.
"My nose feels swollen," she pointed to it gingerly, "does it look swollen?"
I gave her a cool cloth to place on her nose, apparently she had bumped into her friend and either during that time or after she rolled her ankle.
I sat there staring at her foot. There were some guys behind me playing with a ball, and the injured girl's friend was being very chatty, and all the while, the injured girl tried to keep herself from crying.
This could have been avoided had we not played the game! She's hurting because of us. The ruckus of the boys grew louder behind me as they played ball. Leave, everyone leave! She's hurting, can't you see she's in pain!? I had the urge to pray for her after first elevating her foot, but the noise, and the people around me was distracting and making me flustered. Why? She was upset. She was in pain. She was...
I looked at the clock, it was 8:50pm, the parents would be coming soon. I turned to the girl, "Can I pray for you?" Me, the injured girl's friend, and the injured girl all bowed are heads.
I prayed, "Father.... please.... in your mercy and love, please heal her. Do not let this night end like this... if she is afraid please let her know your love her and care for her (as I said those words I wondered why I was praying about fear, I'll get to that); please in your mercy and love heal her ankle. In the name of your son Jesus Christ, amen."
As I prayed... I started to cry. I was obviously crying when I prayed about her fear, and I could hear her and her friend crying as well. When I finished, the injured girl told me how she had rolled her ankle now three times this month and she had forgotten her tenser bandage.
We had a man from our congregation, who is a doctor, look at there ankle a little while later and say that the sprain was mild but should be iced and elevated.
As I walked her to the front of the church where the parents were gathering to get their kids. I found out that she does dance 6 times out of the week for an hour each of the days. When her mother came, the youth pastor and I told her what happened and she was very understanding.
Even though I cried a little during my time in prayer for the injured girl, it was not until I got home that I sobbed like this:
Why? Because I felt - not just noticed, not just mimicked or mirrored - FELT her emotional pain. I felt her frustration, her fear, and her overall being upset... I wasn't done processing my own feelings let alone hers just yet. So I sobbed like an agonized middle school girl from an anime series.
How was she frustrated and afraid? Well:
Frustration - third time this month rolling an ankle? Forgetting a tenser bandage when it should have been on since the morning? Who wouldn't be upset?
Fear - Should have known better, should have been more careful... parents are going to be upset.
I. COULD. DO. NOTHING. She was in physical pain, but her emotional pain was SCREAMING throughout my entire being and I could DO NOTHING.
Except... God could.
So I prayed. God, THANK YOU for having me pray. Looking back on it now, I know that was you prompting me to pray and how I was able to address her fear as I prayed.
I felt like I could do nothing, that the youth group/game was a cause to her pain so I felt responsible for her feeling how she did... but I see now that her physical pain unleashed her fear that would not have been expressed otherwise.
And on her first night there of all times.
Well, God, you had that whole situation under control and I thank you that her injury was not more severe. I pray that glory was given to you in that time... and that the girl who was injured will be drawn closer to you in all this...
May youth group continue to develop into a place where the youth will grow in their love for you, the Bible, and one another. Help us leaders to lead well and work as a team to bring you honour and glory.
Also... continue to guide and have mercy and patience with me and my emotional and logical functions... and trusting you with them.
If you have not already watched this, I would HIGHLY recommend you doing so as to understand what I will be talking about in the rest of this blog.
So please, watch the video and if you are able to ignore the lyrics, watch the man's facial expression the whole time and note what feelings stir as you watch.
....
Assuming that you've now watched the video if you haven't before, did you feel like this afterwards:
And did you want to do this for the man in the video:
(hugs)
If you did... are you curious as to WHY?
Well, as I watched the man lip-sync to a song that a girl was singing, I couldn't help but notice that with the lack of colour and heightened emphasis on the man's face, his crease between the eyebrows had mine feeling the tension the whole time.
When it comes to people's facial expressions, I tend to mimic them, and as I do it draws out the emotions that I am/ they are possibly feeling. So, the whole time, this man's eyebrows are doing the "creased" expression:
When people do this it often means they are focused/angry, worried/afraid, sad/in agony.
I found that during/after this music video watching this man bob and weave to the music as he lip-sank to it, his expression made me feel sad.
Also, at the very end of the music video, he gives this final expression:
His lips are pressed tight together. Lips being pressed tight together can express determination and concentration.
In the video he does this with an eye crease, which I believe made it a "grin-and-bear-it" expression of sadness and/or agony.
I have seen one of my professors do this in college, often when we were talking about the implications of sin and suffering.
That expression, especially from that individual, has never really left me.
So, why is this music video so powerful?
Well, I think seeing this older man lip-syncing and bobbing to a song, sung by a women with fantastic word imagery and sound quality, with the grey-scale filter as his expression remains pained throughout the whole video, is something that most music videos today are not often showing.
Our society relishes in feel good pop, vibrant coloured, and sexualized media entertainment, that when something like this comes along in the main stream, one cannot help but feel moved and awestruck.
Pain, sadness, agony, is not something our current society wants to acknowledge nor accept... yet here is this music video showing a man who is expressing sadness the whole time... and it's okay?
This is something that Christianity is familiar with.
Wait, what?
No, really, I mean it. Agony, sadness, and pain is something that Christianity is all to familiar with. History shows Christians martyred, persecuted, killed, and tortured all for the sake of the Gospel which is the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Even Jesus himself had to go through and agonizing death of crucifixion for the sake of God's love for Humanity. So, Christians know pain, we know life is hard, a struggle, and agonizing in many different ways. HOWEVER, we have hope that even when we suffer, have pain, and agonize in this life (sometimes more than others, and even some Christians are more pained than others), our hope is in Christ who suffered for us. We also have joy (not just the 'sunshine and roses,' happy go luckiness - although that can happen too), a joy that is rooted in the Gospel, and expressed because of the Holy Spirit who helps, guides, and encourages us in this life to go through the pain, sadness, and agony, even when it seems darkest. That's not to say the pain will go away, or the sadness will end, or the agony will dissipate... but the hope is that it will one day - whether it will be in this life time, or when we die and we see our Saviour face to face. This is not an empty hope, and it is the one thing that can grow in the dark.
In my devotions I was reading 1 Kings 3 - you know, the chapter about Solomon asking the LORD for wisdom, that well known one - and came upon something I never realized/saw before.
In 1 Kings 3:1 it reads, "Solmon made an alliance with Pharaoh king of Egypt and married his daughter. He brought her to the City of David until he finished building his palace and the temple of the Lord, and the wall around Jerusalem." If I learned ANYTHING from OT studies from Briercrest, it's that when Egypt and Israel make any sort of alliance, it's not going to end well for God's people. Isaiah years later said as much on the LORD'S behalf in Chapter 30 of his account:
“Woe to the obstinate children,”
declares the Lord,“to those who carry out plans that are not mine,forming an alliance, but not by my Spirit,heaping sin upon sin;who go down to Egypt without consulting me;
who look for help to Pharaoh’s protection, to Egypt’s shade for refuge." Already I'm already nodding, knowing how the end of Solomon's life goes. STILL, I continue reading.
1 Kings 3:2-3, "The people, however, were still sacrificing at the high places, because a temple had not yet been built for the Name of the Lord. Solomon showed his love for the Lord by walking according to the instructions given him by his father David, except that he offered sacrifices and burned incense on the high places."
Allright, Israel is still being troublesome and rebellious as usual... But even KING SOLOMON is making sacrifices to other gods as well? Hmmm... this is REALLY not looking to good on his part... and he's JUST starting out as King too. What next? Here's the Kicker:
1 Kings 3:4-5: "The king went to Gibeon to offer sacrifices, for that was the most important high place, and Solomon offered a thousand burnt offerings on that altar. At Gibeon the Lord appeared to Solomon during the night in a dream, and God said, “Ask for whatever you want me to give you.”
So, author of 1 Kings, you're telling us readers that Solomon, now married to an Egyptian woman, and formed an alliance with Pharaoh, who's CURRENTLY in Gibeon at the MOST IMPORTANT HIGH PLACE FOR MAKING SACRIFICES TO OTHER GODS, is being approached by God during a dream AFTER A DAY OF MAKING A THOUSAND BURNT OFFERING TO FALSE GODS, and given the chance to ask for WHATEVER HE WANTS AND GOD'S GOING TO GIVE IT TO HIM?
What could God be thinking here? Is He just disregarding all that Solomon's done up till this point and is ridding the wave of His loving promise to the deceased King David? OR, Or... is God testing Solomon? God doesn't give a definitive affirmation that He will give whatever Solomon asks for. He says, “Ask for whatever you want me to give you.”So, Solomon could have asked for God to wipe out those who would oppose him, and maybe God would have been like,"Mmm, no bro, I don't like where your heart's at."
I think something like that would have happened, because a few verses later, after Solomon's request for wisdom, it reads in 1 Kings 3:10, "The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for this." Then in 1 Kings 3:11-12, "So God said to him, “Since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, nor have asked for the death of your enemiesbut for discernment in administering justice, I will do what you have asked.I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be."
Okay... so Solomon passed that test from God... but is God REALLY going to ignore the fact Solomon married the Egyptian woman, made an alliance with Pharaoh, and sacrificed A THOUSAND SACRIFICES to false gods at the MOST IMPORTANT HIGH PLACE? Really? God, you aren't going to say anything about that?
No? No, instead you're ALSO going to give Solomon more wealth and honour? (1 Kings 3:13).
Well... I suppose 1 Kings 3:14 could be God noting that Solomon's acts outside covenant protocol could be made right if he stuck to them from there on out. "And if you walk in obedience to me and keep my commands as David your father did, I will give you a long life," (1 Kings 3:14) So perhaps God was giving Solomon a chance to make up for the wrongs of making an alliance and sacrifices to false gods. However, we read that Solomon sacrificed burnt offerings and fellowshipofferings (1 Kings 3:15b)... but nothing about sin offerings, or discontinuing his alliance with Pharaoh.
So, we see the rise and fall of Solomon all in one chapter... but we also see the grace, love, and patience of God. He knew what He was doing all along with Solomon's blunders and his honourable request, if only Solomon used that wisdom to see how His relationship with God was in rocky territory to begin with. Thanks be to God for His grace, love, and patience with all of humanity.
