Who's in agony?

It's time to play another game of:

Whose emotion am I feeling?

*cue the theme music, something along the lines of jeopardy or the 'price is right'*

For all those who are JUST following me for the first time, or decided to read this post without the buildup of my others - I'll give a little context to what I'm talking about.

The way I describe the way I am able to feel emotions that are not mine is part of my personality indicated by the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, I tend to flip between INFJ and ISFJ - You can look these up and see further descriptions of them - but as an INFJ, it is said that I am able to feel the energy and emotions of other people even if I do not feel the same way at the time.

Okay, now that you know I have the ability to feel other people's emotions, I'm going to get into this account that happened Sunday night.

It was at Southland Church in Steinback, and the group of us from Hillcrest had just finished the prayer summit. We decided to meet up after the event to discuss the highlights and observations from the weekend. Near the end of our talk, one of our members who was a former pastor of Hillcrest expressed his admiration for the weekend experience and gratitude for still having him as part of the team even though he wasn't the Pastor anymore.

He further expressed that although he's had his battle with cancer, and there was signs of it of it returning (I think that's what was said in the meeting), he wanted to be healed.

Another one of the men in the team stated that we should pray for our former pastor. So a chair was put in the centre of our circle, and as the former pastor sat on it, we all gathered around and placed our hands on him.

- INFO: For those who are wondering, "why on earth are you doing this?" The reason why is that in pentecostal tradition, the "laying on of hands" is based on Jesus' way of offering healing to those who wanted it (we read of this practice in the Gospels). Since Christians are to be like Christ, and we have the Holy Spirit dwelling within us, we do this act when we pray for healing on someone. -

As we did this, the man who stated we should pray, prayed allowed on everyone's behalf - as he spoke his voice cracked with emotion and sniffles were heard as we prayed.

While praying, and as I heard people crying, I felt something powerful stir within me.

I involenterily began to clench my hand into a fist that was at my side. A huge surge of agony coursed through my being as I could not help but let out a sob. 

If you do not know what agony looks or feels like, this is an gif that I found that I think portrays it well: 

As this emotion overwhelmed me for that prayer time. It wasn't until we finished, and one of the ladys handed me a kleenex... that I managed to calm down. 

Here's the thing... I do not often feel agony unless another person is in distress, or pain, or I realize that I am at odds with God. So when it came to this prayer time of healing for our former pastor, I could not help but wonder... whose agony did I just feel?

I know for myself that I was in no need to be in agony over anything personally, so it narrows it down to either the people who I way praying with, or God. 

BEFORE I explain how or why I could think I was sharing God's agony, I'll explain the other people:

It could have been whilst surrounded by all the church members who know our former pastor well, and even the former pastor himself, were in agony over his cancer and how it was taking its toll on him. They could have been in agony over the desire to see him healed but unable to do anything about it. 

You may be thinking, "God in agony? Holmes, what on earth are you thinking? How could you feel God's agony, let alone God being in agony?"

Well, before I met a certain woman professor out at Briercrest even I would have thought this as impossible or ridiculous. However, as this woman taught 'Women and Vocation,' she shared her stories and her heart that struck and resonated with mine. She and I got together occasionally and found out that she and I share a sensitivity to the Holy Spirit. 

She gave me a book to read that, during my intense and insane final year at Briercrest, only managed to read 2-3 chapters of, but they were the main ones she was thinking for me to read. 

A few quotes stood out to me:

"The prophet is a person who holds God's love as well as God's anger in his soul, enraptured or enfervered. It is the love that inhabits his soul together with the vision of its outpouring of blessings; it is the anger that consumes his heart together with the vision of its outpouring of horror. the dreadful hurt to the prophet's soul comes from both realizing the effects of anger may yield and from realizing the anger itself. In other words, what shocks the prophet's soul is not only what he is able to sense in anticipation, but also what he is able to sense as an immediate perception" (The Prophets, Volume II - Abraham J. Heschel, pg. 92).

Fellow feelings, or sympathy for God, "involves the prophet's intentional reference of the feeling of joy or sorrow to God's experience," "the prophet's sympathy and God's pathos are phenomenologically two different facts, not one fact..." (The Prophets, Volume II - Abraham J. Heschel, pg. 94)

"Such sympathy for God derives from an understanding for the situation and pathos of the Lord. The divine evokes a similar pathos in the prophet. The prophet may respond to the divine pathos only by way of intuiting what the pathos might be. The prophet's personal concern for God also focuses his emotions directly on the given pathos of God. This complex structure of sympathy is the prophet's typical mode of experience. This applies equally to his solidarity with the pain of God, to the echo of the divine experience in relation to an analogous object and to his compassionate communion with God." (The Prophets, Volume II - Abraham J. Heschel, pg. 94).

Well, there you have it. You may go now. 

Just joking, let's keep going -

Now that I've just given you a whole bunch on info on God and prophets I'm sure there are a whole new set of questions happening, so I'll do my best to address the ones I am thinking of:

1. prophets still exist? - In a sense, yes. In the OT, an individual would have special communication with God to give warnings, affirmation, blessings and curses, on God's behalf to His people or King of his people - this was through the Holy Spirit the individual was able to do this. Even Kings (like David - could/were considered to have prophetic capabilities because the Holy Spirit was with them). SINCE Christians have the Holy Spirit within them, we have the capabilities of the prophets in the OT, but not necessarily to the same extent (unless you have the gift of prophecy, but that's a whole other discussion). 

2. God being angry is one thing, but having sorrow, and agony? - Yes, "Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing" (Matthew 23:27, Luke13:34). 

"The LORD said to me, 'Faithless Israel is more righteous than unfaithful Judah. Go, proclaim this message toward the north:

'Return, faithless Israel,' declares the LORD,

'I will frown on you no longer,

for I am faithful,' declares the LORD,

'I will not be angry forever.

Only acknowledge your guilt -

you have rebelled against the LORD your God,

you have scattered your favors to foreign gods

under every spreading tree,

and have not obeyed me,'

declares the LORD." (Jeremiah 3:11-13)

"How gladly would I treat you like my children 

and give you a pleasant land,

the most beautiful inheritance of any nation.

I thought you would call me 'Father'

and not turn away from following me.

But like a woman unfaithful to her husband,

so you, Israel, have been unfaithful to me,'

declares the LORD" (Jeremiah 3:19-20)

"Your New Moon feasts and you appointed festivals 

I hate with all my being.

They have become a burden to me;

I am weary of bearing them.

...

Therefore the Lord, the LORD Almighty,

the Mighty One of Israel, declares,

'Ah! I will vent my wrath on my foes

and avenge myself on my enemies. 

I will turn my hand against you;

I will thoroughly purge away your dross

and remove all your impurities.

I will restore your leaders as in days of old,

your rulers as at the beginning.

Afterward you will be called 

the City of Righteousness,

the Faithful City." (Isaiah 1:14, 24-26)

"And he said, 'Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?" ... "'What is this you have done?'" (Genesis 3:11, 13)

Both Jesus (who is God incarnate) to the beginning when humans first sinned, God has expressed agony towards His creation for committing sin, which puts distance between us and God. 

ABOUT THE GENESIS REFERENCE - I know most people would think God is straight up angry here, for the longest time I thought so too... but My Hebrew professor at Briercrest pointed out that the character of God is full of grace and love, and this beautiful relationship has been ruined by humanity, so yes there is anger, but there is also agony and a distress because this means humans have to be separated from Him, because He cannot be in a relationship with humans if they are disobedient and rebellious... which PAINS Him.

But now, back to my situation with feeling agony while praying for healing for our former pastor - How does sin and God's agony fit with the praying for healing. 

Well... I think that God was feeling agony because - the reason why death, decay, and disease is in the world to begin with is because of sin - He does not want his children to suffer, but we must endure in this time till Christ returns. 

I honestly do not know if God healed the former pastor during our prayer time... but if my feeling of agony showed me anything, it's that God knows our struggle and pain, He is VERY MUCH aware of the sin in this world... and we all will come to full redemption and renewal when Christ returns to do so, not only for humanity, but also all of creation which also suffers from humanity's rebellion against God (Romans 8). 

If this is the first time you have EVER considered let alone read the idea of God being in agony over sin - please, take the time to go through the verses I posted, or even reading Isaiah and Jeremiah on your own time and notice how God's love, anguish, righteousness, and redemption are shown in those books. Please contemplate and meditate on God's agony over sin, and the fact He sent Jesus to die in order to redeem us from it, and that we, and all of creation will be fully redeemed and renewed when Christ returns. 

~To God be the glory