Emotional Pain

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........... *inhales* *exhales* well.

So, youth group. I love it. I really, really, REALLY do. It's encouraging when the youth come and they're energized, excited to be with their friends. We get to talk about Jesus and the Bible, and what God is doing in our lives. Hearing from someone who is in grade 8 saying that their reading their Bible outside of youth group is an encouraging thing, as well as giving a youth a Bible and giving recommendation where to read after they ask for some is really delightful.

HOWEVER. However. It is the worst when you see a youth in pain, emotionally and physically, and you can do NOTHING to take it away.

Let me walk you through this particular time that happened one evening.

I was in the youth room, it was during the game, which we wrap up with at the end of the night, and it was a "tag" game. Well, two girls come in, one propping up another girl with her shoulder as the other girl leaned on her as she limped.
Great, I think to myself, an injury during the game, go figure. 
Me, the youth pastor, the injured girl's friend, helped the injured girl into a chair and surveyed the damage.
She had a swollen ankle and a puffy nose.
I was given an ice pack by the youth pastor, and I grabbed another chair to elevate the girl's slightly swollen ankle. As she told me what happened, along with some commentary from her friend, I stared at the girls face. Her tear streaked face was red and splotchy from her sobbing and her expression etched with pain.
I did my best to comfort her and keep her slightly distracted by asking questions, like about her family, where she went to school, and what church she goes to.
As she diligently answered my questions (and her friend as well who stuck with us to the end of the night), it dawned on me that this was her first time at youth group.

This is her first time here... and she's been injured while playing this game. 

"I'm so sorry this has happened."
"That's okay," she responded, "it's not your fault, I'm just clumsy."
"But it's not only your fault, it's dark..." (we had some of the lights turned off for the game), This could have been avoided... 

I hear her say, "this is the second time this week I've rolled it." her mouth quivered, "My mom said if I rolled it again it would be worse."

I asked to look at her ankle again. She let me, and I noticed that there was swelling but it was not that big.

"My nose feels swollen," she pointed to it gingerly, "does it look swollen?"

I gave her a cool cloth to place on her nose, apparently she had bumped into her friend and either during that time or after she rolled her ankle.

I sat there staring at her foot. There were some guys behind me playing with a ball, and the injured girl's friend was being very chatty, and all the while, the injured girl tried to keep herself from crying.

This could have been avoided had we not played the game! She's hurting because of us. The ruckus of the boys grew louder behind me as they played ball. Leave, everyone leave! She's hurting, can't you see she's in pain!? 

I had the urge to pray for her after first elevating her foot, but the noise, and the people around me was distracting and making me flustered. Why? She was upset. She was in pain. She was...

I looked at the clock, it was 8:50pm, the parents would be coming soon. I turned to the girl, "Can I pray for you?" Me, the injured girl's friend, and the injured girl all bowed are heads.

I prayed, "Father.... please.... in your mercy and love, please heal her. Do not let this night end like this... if she is afraid please let her know your love her and care for her (as I said those words I wondered why I was praying about fear, I'll get to that); please in your mercy and love heal her ankle. In the name of your son Jesus Christ, amen."

As I prayed... I started to cry. I was obviously crying when I prayed about her fear, and I could hear her and her friend crying as well. When I finished, the injured girl told me how she had rolled her ankle now three times this month and she had forgotten her tenser bandage.

We had a man from our congregation, who is a doctor, look at there ankle a little while later and say that the sprain was mild but should be iced and elevated.
As I walked her to the front of the church where the parents were gathering to get their kids. I found out that she does dance 6 times out of the week for an hour each of the days. When her mother came, the youth pastor and I told her what happened and she was very understanding.

Even though I cried a little during my time in prayer for the injured girl, it was not until I got home that I sobbed like this:

Why? Because I felt - not just noticed, not just mimicked or mirrored - FELT her emotional pain. I felt her frustration, her fear, and her overall being upset... I wasn't done processing my own feelings let alone hers just yet. So I sobbed like an agonized middle school girl from an anime series. 

How was she frustrated and afraid? Well:

Frustration - third time this month rolling an ankle? Forgetting a tenser bandage when it should have been on since the morning? Who wouldn't be upset?

Fear - Should have known better, should have been more careful... parents are going to be upset. 

I. COULD. DO. NOTHING. She was in physical pain, but her emotional pain was SCREAMING throughout my entire being and I could DO NOTHING.

Except... God could.

So I prayed. God, THANK YOU for having me pray. Looking back on it now, I know that was you prompting me to pray and how I was able to address her fear as I prayed. 

I felt like I could do nothing, that the youth group/game was a cause to her pain so I felt responsible for her feeling how she did... but I see now that her physical pain unleashed her fear that would not have been expressed otherwise. 

And on her first night there of all times. 

Well, God, you had that whole situation under control and I thank you that her injury was not more severe. I pray that glory was given to you in that time... and that the girl who was injured will be drawn closer to you in all this... 

May youth group continue to develop into a place where the youth will grow in their love for you, the Bible, and one another. Help us leaders to lead well and work as a team to bring you honour and glory. 

Also... continue to guide and have mercy and patience with me and my emotional and logical functions... and trusting you with them.

~To God be the glory