Borderline broken... Sovereign shepherd

"I'm borderline happy, and I'm borderline sad
I'm borderline good and I'm borderline bad

"and I can't get rid of the tingling fear
you'd sort me out if my head gets clear
I live my life in shackles, but I'm borderline free

"I used to be blind but I still can't see
And I won't get 'round to a change of mind
as long as nobody breaks my stride." 

I was listening to this song (see above quotes) practically on repeat till wednesday mid morning. Since it's almost Hillcrest's time for a "Set Free" event (like that of Southland), I was told I needed to meet up and do some prayer sessions in preparation for this event (I'm not just going to be a participant, this time I'll be helping out). 
I was able to meet up with a woman's prayer team Wednesday around 10:30am.

So, that morning I was doing my own thing, reading from the book of Romans chapters 6-8 (and noted that if we say we are Christians and the desire to NOT sin is within us, that is the assurance of our allegiance to God and Jesus. Also that if we say we are Christian and we DO sin, it's not because we are under its sway, but it's because we chose to succumb to it). All the while I was
listening to the song that I opened this blog with and once 10am rolled around I headed out to the church where we were meeting.

Joy (alias, not real name) led us through what we will be doing for our Set Free event and just as a way for ourselves to be prepared for it if we're involved. She suggested we go through Psalm 32 and then work through the prayer sheet she gave us.
As I did this I began to pray, "Lord, I know I am highly imaginative and probably the first thing that will come to mind is what I did this morning but-"
I didn't even finish my prayer and that song began to play in my head... however, instead of dismissing it, I rolled with it and asked God, "Why have I been listening to that song so much?"
As I recalled the lyrics (mainly the chorus), I realized that song was reflecting how I was feeling about my moral dilemma... that I strive to do and be good, but sin and physical weariness seems to get the better of me - "I'm borderline good and I'm borderline bad."
Immediately the words, "Romans 8" came to mind, I looked in that passage and the verse that struck me was verse 9:

You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if the indeed the Spirit of God lives in you.

(Romans 8:1-17, was really assuring in the struggle I was having about being good and bad - go and read it yourselves and see what it says). 

I thought further about what this song was revealing about my thoughts and the idea came to mind that in this concept of struggle between good and bad, the enemy and/or my sinful desires will always pull me down. On this borderline between good and evil, the enemy is and my sinful desires are stronger. HOWEVER, the immediate thought after that, having read Romans 8, assured me that There does not have to be a struggle for I am free in Christ.

There is always a way out [from the temptation so sin]. God does not lead us into temptations to make us sin... rather He shows us the temptations so that we would come to Him in trust that we would not give into it and seek His help.

The truth that God wanted me to know about my struggle is that I am redeemed. Considering Israel, who sinned against God again and again, even after God had made them His chosen people, He still did not give up on them... Even me.
I am chosen by God to be a follower of Jesus, and that sin I have asked forgiveness for (as well as every sin I commit today, and will commit in the future) will not separate me from God because of Jesus.

In the wrap up of the prayer session, Joy shared with us the thoughts God placed on her heart while she was praying for us through Psalm 32. When it was my turn, she said, "God would counsel you, in the desires you want to be fulfilled."
I went away from that meeting feeling a little more encouraged, and excited for the Set Free event.


However, on Thursday, I felt a little more down, and tried to understand that Psalm Joy had read from and the part that seems it may be the LORD speaking instead of the Poet, but I wasn't sure.

I asked God, by His Holy Spirit, to help me understand the flow of the Psalm and what about that verse that Joy chose was so significant.
As I read aloud and thought through the passage I began to understand that the instruction in the ways a person goes, and the counsel in Psalm 32:8, is God talking about His Laws (O.T.) when the person is living their life day to day and making sure they are not sinning against God.

As I lay upon my bed last night, I gave a quite sob. I am not making a lot of money, things need to be paid for and I stress over my job and I long to be in youth ministry as a full time career... I want to fulfill what God's calling me to... I turned towards the ceiling and stretched out my arms as I cried, "I don't want to fail you God, I don't want to go this life alone, in sickness and in health, for rich or for poor, I want you to be there... always."

 Then I began to settle as I realized that vocation does not always have to be a job, it's simply doing what God is calling me to. Right now, I am in youth ministry as a volunteer, and for now I go to work at the Spa as a prep-cook.

Truly, truly God is good, and He is aware of my financial status and for now I am making what I am in need of having.
Also, He truly is sovereign. And as He is sovereign and in control of my life, He can make any error I make into a thing of glory to Himself, and any good thing I do is only good because of Jesus.

Oh... oh the sweet relief and joy that soothed my soul once I realized this truth. I woke up this morning at ease with life and thankful of God's presence when I am or am not aware of it.

I read Psalm 23, and dwelled upon verse 3, "He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake." The LORD, God, who is also Jesus, that came as our good shepherd... restores our souls as he leads and guides us. He is the one who makes us righteous and guides us on the path of righteousness not for our own sakes, but for the sake of His name. We, Christians, are the representatives of Jesus who claimed to be one with God; and so as people note our goodness and our uncharacteristically loving attitudes, we say, "it's because of Jesus"- It's His name that is at stake when we live our lives is accordance, or not, to His will. As our good shepherd leads us, it is not in desperation or in resentment, He does so with goodness and lovingkindness (Psalm 23:6).

As I walked to work this morning, I asked God, "Is this what the feeling of joy is? Is this what being aware of your presence and love is like?"

"I don't want to forget this... how I wish this feeling would never leave..."

This morning I came across this song (thanks to my brother who introduced me to the band), and thought this fit the experience I've had over these past few days:

Thank you for taking the time to read this...

~To God be the Glory

Wishing and hoping (right relations wrap up)

Well, we finished our “Right Relationships” talk in Jr youth group. If you read my last blog post "Jr. Youth progression" and happened to be one of the people that prayed for the series, my thanks goes to you.

For the final talk this past Wednesday, the youth pastor and I tag teamed the talk. 

He opened with a recap of his talk with the guys during the first week - noting how popularity often plays a part in having friendships, and then I summed up my time with the girls - noting how trust and gossip play a big role in our friendships and read from Ruth using Naomi and Ruth as an example of good friendship. Then he talked about how the world tends to view how guys and girls relate to each other, and then I ended with the “Five Love languages,” and gifts of the Spirit found in Romans 12, as practical ways to show and receive love from one another. I also explained how guys function by showing respect in relationships and physical interaction for friendship bonding; whereas girls function by showing affection in relationships and talking/sharing for friendship bonding. 

It was a good three weeks, and I wish we could have spent more time on practical application but hopefully that can develop as the rest of the year unfolds. 

Now we will be going into “Pre-Easter” and “Gospel” talks, considering Easter is only a month a way. 

Stay tuned and thanks for your continued interest and prayers!

~To God be the Glory

Jr. Youth progression

Hey Everyone!

Sorry for the lack of posting, there hasn't been much that stood out to post on, nor any personal thoughts I deemed worthy of sharing.

HOWEVER, I figured with what's going on now in Jr. youth, it was about time to notify what's happening.

Since mid January, our group has finished 2 Timothy and we've started a mini series of "Right Relationships" - that is, "Right Friendships."

Something the youth pastor and I have noticed in youth group is the polar differences in interaction and conversation between girls and guys in how they treat and view each other. I've noticed for the girls that they will either treat/talk to guys like they're dirt, OR they crush on them/objectify them. The youth pastor noted some similar dealings with the guys so we concluded that we should specifically teach on how to treat one another.

Yeah... this is NOT how to do it.

This past Wednesday, we split the guys and girls up and the youth pastor gave the guys a talk on how guys often do and should treat each other, and I gave a talk to the girls on how girls often do and should treat each other.

I spoken on how girls will relate to one another based on mutual similarities/interests and most importantly trust, and when there is no trust it is easy to gossip. I then ran a little skit with two of the other female leaders on what gossip can look like, and then we looked at some verses that deal with gossip (lots found in proverbs). At the end we heard stories from other female leaders that related to Proverbs 27:6 ("Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses").
From what I understand, the youth pastor focused on status, respect, and popularity for the guys.
The girls listened and participated well with the talk, were as the guys for some reason that night were not very cooperative and the leaders had a hard time getting them to focus.

This upcoming Wednesday, we will be talking about how guys should treat girls, and how girls should treat guys. This means that I will be talking to the guys and the youth pastor will be talking to the girls.
Prayer for this mini series would be highly appreciated.
It's funny, because on Vancouver Island, I found that there was not much of a struggle for girls and guys to interact with one another, but for some reason, here on the Prairies, it's a little hard and borderline awful. Maybe it's the Mennonite history/ mentality here...  but I'm really not sure.

One step at a time

By the third week of this mini series, we'll wrap up by highlighting some main points from the previous talks and drawing upon 1 John (which will be a nice reminder from September).

In the end, the hope and idea is that there will be less awkward and rude dealings with opposite genders in the future with our youth group and more  healthy and natural interactions.

Something like this. 

~To God be the Glory