The Pondering of a (formerly) scared child

Hey, this is just a thoughtful blog post not really relating to anything that's going on in youth ministry... but if you're still interested, keep reading.

Last night I sat at my desk and contemplated the fact I still had a noticeably stuffy sinus (I got a cold 2 weeks ago). At that same desk sat my pill bottle of echinacea (a herbal pill made from a flower that helps with immune systems). I figured, "hey, maybe I'll take some before going to bed so that this cold leaves me faster."

I popped two into my mouth, thinking nothing of it and an hour later I felt a little funny but figured it would pass.  I turned off my computer and light and laid in bed.

After another two hours I awoke abruptly feeling unsettled, short of breath... and my tongue felt larger than normal.

Getting up and out of bed, I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked okay, eyes a little bloodshot -but that was to be expected after a long day and in the middle of the process to try and sleep- but my body still felt weird. A pressing thought concerned me, "what if..."

I checked the echinacea bottle, it said to only take ONE pill every 4 hours.

I took two in one go. 

"Oh no."

I decided to look up what the symptoms of taking too much echinacea was... a few sites I looked at listed the symptoms I had, "nausea, fever, swelling of tongue, shortness of breath" and others, and recommended if the conditions worsened that it would be wise to seek medical attention.

I sat in bed figuring my options. Glancing at my clock, it was 10:30pm and I had taken the pills around 8pm ish. Should I wake up my housemates to take me to the hospital? No, they have a baby and the guy has to work in the morning... I can't nor do I want to disturb them.

I was starting to get worried. I opened a new tab to facebook and messaged my parents saying, "are you online," hoping they, or at least one of them, would be up and able to help me figure out if I should go the the hospital or wait it out.

They were not online.

I prayed to God, "Please, help my body and guide my decision making. If I should go to the hospital, make me feel more sick, if not... please heal my body and protect it."

I sat there for what felt like 5min before I decided, "I'll wait another hour, if nothing gets worse, I'll go to sleep."
Sitting with my back against the bedframe I sighed, "I guess... I can talk to you while I'm awake... haven't done this in a while... God, I made a mistake, I should not have taken those pills without reading the instructions... I made a stupid mistake and it could end up hurting my body...

"I... I know I won't die, there's been to much going on in my life that would seem meaningless to end it here and now... but if there's a chance, please, let it not be like this... not over a stupid mistake...

"I... I'm scared... I'm scared, God." That's when I started crying. I felt so alone, thinking that I could have very well overdosed on pills and no one would know (at least not right away). I felt like a scared child running to their parent's bedroom after having a nightmare.

However, it was then I realized:

"God, I'm not alone, you are here... and thank you, thank you that you do not sleep and you're not like a parent that gets upset or scared when their kid comes to them in the middle of the night feeling scared. You don't need sleep... you don't sleep, so I can come to you and know you're not going to be disturbed by my fear."

Once 11:30pm rolled around I decided to lay down again and sleep, since by then I was feeling slightly better and I'd have to wake up in 5ish hours for work.

I went to sleep after offering up a final prayer of thanks and protection as I slept.

After some intense dreaming my alarm woke me up. Tapping the 'dismiss' button, I gathered my bearings and realized, "I'm okay."

I made it through the night, and I felt okay.

I got to work around 7am, feeling slightly sleep deprived and like an idiot for last night's escapade. While at work, my co-worker was telling me about how his son was feeling sick and he was going to take him to a doctor to see if everything is okay.
"It's bad, but kind of nice," he said to me, "when he's sick, he gets really cuddly and I love that."
I thought it was adorable my co-worker felt that way towards his son. Then... it made me wonder...

Did God feel/think the same way of me last night when I was praying to Him?
Does God like it when we, like scared children, come to Him and want to be cuddled, comforted as it were... when situations beyond our control arise (even if they were cause by stupid mistakes?)

Part of me likes the idea, and really wants to believe it... God our Father, and good shepherd, who's adopted those of us who believe in Christ into His family as sons and daughters...

So, moral of the story - ALWAYS read the pill bottle before doing what you think is okay.
Secondly... God is a good God, who does not sleep, nor needs it - so it's okay to call out to Him in the middle of the night when you're scared... He's ready for it.


~To God be the glory

Hopes and dreams

Hey everyone!

My apologies for lack of writing - things have been going smoothly more or less in youth ministry.

There have been a few events (not of the youth program variety) that have happened in the last little while that I did not think a simple blogg could deal with:

Like grief within the church,
or weekly happenings within the youth group,
or my personal thoughts and feelings in my own life.

However, since it is April, that means some changes are occurring:

1. AMAZING WEATHER FOR ONE - today is my day off and I am for sure NOT staying inside once it gets to 20 degrees celsius outside.
2. Briercrest students finishing up their semester - and therefore some of the ones volunteering will be leaving us.
3. Finding at least one new youth leader volunteer, who is an older male, that will be joining us for Jr. youth.

Our youth group meets till near the end of June, so that means we only have two and a half months left with our team/family.

THIS ALSO MEANS THIS ISLANDER GIRL IS THAT MUCH CLOSER TO GETTING HERSELF BACK ON THE ISLAND.

I'm sure some of you may be thinking, "What about your job?" "Are you going on vacation?" "ARE YOU STAYING THERE FOREVER?!"

After the past few months, there has been a stirring within me that my current job is needing to come to a close. It has been awesome, and I will always and forever love the people there... but something is changing/ needs to change this year, and I do not fully know all the details, but I am trusting in God as He leads me through this time of changes.
I am going back to the Island by July as a sort of vacation. I have found myself longing more and more to be surrounded by nature, and see my family... It's been almost four years since I've spent any sort of time on the Island for more than just a week or two... So I am Island bound by July, and it makes sense to do it then since there is no Youth Group for two months.

"I just wanna go home..."

So, no, I will not be staying there forever - at least at this point I do not think so.

Anyway, next week youth group is back on for Jr. and Sr. (we had a week off since it's spring break for the youth) - and it'll be good to get back into the swing of things, with new mindsets, hopes and dreams in this spring season.

Continual prayer for the leaders now, and the ones yet to come.
Prayer for youth ministry as we enter this spring season.
Prayer for the Youth Pastor as he leads us and remains humble and submissive to the direction of God and the Holy Spirit's promptings.

~To God be the glory