Without further ado, here's John Piper's meditation, 'The Slow Fires of Misery - Enduring the Pain of a Flawed Marriage' - ps. the underlined sections in the write out are not in the book, but are my own highlights of what I thought was important or noteworthy.
"Abraham Lincoln's marriage was a mess, and accepting the pain brought deep strength in the long run.
I write this bit because it is wrong to seek refuge from physical abuse, but because, short of that, millions of marriages end over the agony of heartbreaking disappointments and frustrations. They do not need to. There is much to gain in embracing the pain for Christ and his kingdom.
Our culture has made divorce acceptable and therefore easier to justify on the basis of emotional pain. Historically, the misery of painful emotions was not a sanction for divorce in most cultures. Marriage durability - with or without emotional pain - was valued above emotional tranquility for the sake of children, the stability of society, and in the case of Christians, for the glory of Christ. In Christianity such rugged, enduring marriages, through pain and heartache, are rooted on the marriage of God to his rebellious people whom he has never fully cast off.
'Your husband is your Maker... For the LORD has called you, like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit, even like a wife of one's youth when she is rejected,' says your god. 'For a brief moment I forsook you, but with great compassion I will gather you' (Isaiah 54:5-7).
Abraham Lincoln brought debilities to his marriage with Mary Todd. He was emotionally withdrawn and praised reason over passion. She said that he "was not a demonstrative man... When he felt most deeply, he expressed the lead." He was absent, emotionally or physically, most of the time. For years before his presidency, he spent four months each year away from home on the judicial circuit. He was indulgent with the children and left their management almost entirely to his wife.
Mary often flew into rages:
She pushed Lincoln relentlessly to seek high public office, she complained endlessly about poverty; she overran her budget shamelessly, both in Springfield and in the White House; she abused servants as if they were slaves (and ragged on Lincoln when he tried to pay them extra on the side); she assaulted him on more than one occasion (with firewood, with potatoes)l she probably once chased him with a knife through their backyard in Springfield; and she treated his casual; contacts with attractive females as a direct threat, while herself flirting constantly and dressing to kill. A regular visitor to the White House wrote of Mrs. Lincoln that 'she was vain, passionately fond of dress and wore her dress shorter at the top and longer at the train than even fashions demanded. She had great pride in her elegant neck and bust, and grieved the president greatly by her constant display of her person and fine clothes' (Mark Noll, "The Struggle for Lincoln's Soul," Books and Culture, vol. 1, no. 1, September/October 1995, 3-6).
It was a pain-filled marriage. The familiar lines in his face and the somber countenance reveal more than the stress of civil war. But the two stayed married. They kept at least that part of their vows. They embraced the pain, even if they could not (or would not) remove it.
What was the gain? God will give the final answer, but here are two historical assessments. (1) How was it that Lincoln, when president, could work so effectively with the rampant egos who filled his administration? "The long years of dealing with his tempestuous wife helped prepare Lincoln for handling the difficult people he encountered as president." In other words, a whole nation benefited from his embracing the pain. (2) "Over the slow fires of misery that he learned to keep banked and under heavy pressure deep within him, his innate qualities of patience, tolerance, forbearance, and forgiveness were tempered and refined." America can be glad that Lincoln did not run from the fires of misery in his marriage. There were resources for healing he did not know, and short of healing, embracing the fire is better than escape.
Increasingly, contemporary culture assumes the opposite. Pain-free relationships are assumed as a right. But God promises his people something better. "Blessed is the man who endures trail, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life which God has promised to those who love him" (James 1:12, RSV). "
How's that 8am food for thought?
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| THANK YOU JOHN PIPER |
I have seen and heard of Christians in marriages end in divorce, I see young adults get married and problems come up and they do not know how to deal with them, or know who to turn to, and struggle in the relationship. I know things like this pains the heart of God, because He is the author of relationships and created intimacy in marriage to be a beautiful thing... and sin taints everything.
Yet, like John Piper pointed out, God can still redeem and use misery in marriage for good, as He can in all things.
THIS IS WHY GOD NEEDS TO BE KEPT AT THE CENTRE OF MARRIAGE. He forms, binds, and redeems all things in a marriage covenant. He is familiar in suffering with relationships because of His with Israel, and through Jesus and his time on earth as a human.
Oh Christians who get and are married, will you not see the importance of your vow beyond your personal needs and realize you represent Jesus and the Church? You are more than just yourselves, you are made one in God, and God will be there through it all. You were called to marriage when you said "I do/I will" and God will not abandon or forsake you in trying times. YOU MUST ALSO FIGHT to endure the hardships of marriage in a fallen world, you must submit yourselves to God for the strength, wisdom, and love for the sake of your spouse and the rest of the world that sees your marriage.
Carry on with determination found in God's love for His creation, and know your struggles are a benefit, and you are not alone, ever.
~To God be the Glory
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